what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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