The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
