On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think i peed on brittanys purse
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
