i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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