my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
