I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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