Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
