she pinky promised me she was 18
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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