I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
