i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
