why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
