Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize