The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
