just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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