I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
