butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
