just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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