Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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