Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
