oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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