Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
