Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
