Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
