I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
