I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
