So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
