his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
