You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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