before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
