i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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