the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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