Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
