your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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