How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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