U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
