Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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