Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
