Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
