I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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