handjob tips. give me some.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
