jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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