You're completely useless in the revolution.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
