So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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