i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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