Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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