You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
