eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
