She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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