I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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