I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
