you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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