just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
