I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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