youre lurking in front of me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
