She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish i was in the wii world.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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