You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
