She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
