She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
