Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
