You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
