If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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