Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
