He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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