He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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