my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
