omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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