Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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