Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wish I only lived at night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
