i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
