I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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