She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
