Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
